You should not wish to be the cigarette touching his lips.
He will not appear through the fog and heal your wounds.
Only you can do that.
So get out of bed and put on some lipstick.
Stop falling at his feet.
And one day your hip bones won’t feel so sharp and jagged, your ribs will no longer be an instrument to strum your fingers across. One day you will no longer be just a thin sheet of skin laid over a pile of sad bones. One day your eyes will no longer look like you’ve been avoiding sleep for weeks, and your heart will only skip a beat when you get a text from your crush. One day you will learn that recovery is the most important thing you could ever do. These are not options, and you cannot pick and choose what parts of your disorder you want to keep, or rather refuse to let go of. This is your life. Don’t waste another second deteriorating your body and wasting away that incredible mind.